Well, I’m clearly pretty terrible about this writing thing. I even forget to write in my journal before bed some days. I seem to get myself so busy throughout the day that I am just wiped by the time I lay down. I’m certainly not complaining about that though. I used to go to bed and just lay there for hours not able to shut my mind off or feel tired. I love falling asleep naturally and waking up sober.
Something very weird happened to me at my home group on Friday. A young girl came in a bit late for the group start and sat in our circle. She started speaking when it was her turn to share and she was very clearly drunk. She was sort of falling over and slurring her words. I immediately had a physical reaction to the situation. Not a quite a panic attack but it really got my heart racing and made feel a little flush. I had a bit of tunnel vision as well. I spoke to my sponsor after and I mentioned the situation to him. We couldn’t quite put our finger on why I reacted that way. He suggested maybe it was a “remember when”, I thought maybe it was anger. On Saturday I went down to Renascent for a visit and spoke to one of the counsellors there. His name is Tom and he is a very very smart man. He has some insight into the addicted mind that I have never seen before. He spoke to me about it and he mentioned that it was a reaction to someone being intoxicated and invading my safe space. That’s my home group and I feel like it should be sacred. This was a “how dare you” type of reaction. When he put it into those terms that made me really recognise those feelings for what they were. Very glad I got the chance to speak to him.
My Uncle Ian is in town visiting from Winnipeg. I am not even sure how long exactly it’s been since I last saw him. I have been removed from that side of the family for so long. We never went back to visit once we moved to Ontario. Dad was too into his addiction by then and we just never went. I have often thought of going back for a visit on my own. Ian is a really nice guy and I wish I knew that side of my family better. I’m happy that he and my Dad and brother are coming over for a BBQ today after work. I hope the weather cooperates.
This is my life and it’s pretty good.