friday night meeting

My home group meets on Monday and Friday.  I am proud to be a member of this group, even though it is mighty disfunctional at times.  I suppose that’s probably very normal given that it’s a room full of drunks.  We all have our disfunctional in here.  There is this guy who shall remain anonymous ( …see what I did there?)  He has a number of years of sobriety but he he seems to rely on this group to keep him from drinking.  I don’t know much about his program but he doesn’t seem to be a very content person and sometimes I question his sharing in here.  He says some things that I worry will be bad advice to the new comer.  Anyway, I’ve been trying to come early to help setup the meeting.  Especially when it’s my night to be the chairperson.  I have built up a bit of a resentment because I have been tasked with being the supply person for the group, but it seems like everyone here is stepping on my toes trying to help.  This isn’t rocket science people it’s going to the store to buy coffee and fucking cups.  Oh, and occasionally remembering to get some sugar and a water jug.  This one guy apparently doesn’t trust people to show up on time and make coffee and setup chairs.  That’s supposed to be the job of the person running the meeting for the night.  I show up 30 or 45 minutes early and the guy has already been here for a while.  On Monday I hear that the group was out of cups and coffee, or maybe it was just really low on both counts.  Anyway, I have lots of those things stockpiled ready to bring in, but I was not told by the last chairperson that we are low on those items.  I left the house today an hour and half early and I opened the church and setup the coffee station.  The guy is now sitting outside in his car unaware that I have done this.  I am very curious to see his reaction.  I think that maybe this is something I need to talk to my sponsor about because I don’t know if I did this with the correct motivation.  I feel like maybe I was being a little bit selfish?  Maybe I just wanted to rub it in his face that I am not a moron and am more than capable of doing the same thing as him for the group?  I don’t know.  Again I struggle with knowing what emotions I am feeling half the time so I don’t know what I am feeling about this right now.  I think it’s probably a character defect sitting right there where I can see it, but not describe it yet.  weird….oh shit here he comes….

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