I am sitting in a coffee shop waiting for a guy that I sold a cell phone to. He has a problem with getting it working and I have decided to be a decent human being and help him out. I was thinking that the old me would have told him to kick rocks and done my best to avoid him. I think however, that I would have done this regardless of my drinking, but I would have been anxious about leaving the house to do it and I would have used the excursion as an opportunity to make a trip to the liquor store. I was always pretty good at thinking up excuses to get over to the LCBO (or at least I thought I was).
I am having a hard time finding my voice with this writing thing. I have been journaling for a while and it seems to be easier because I don’t really care what goes in there. I think with this blog business there is a slim chance that someone could read this, and I don’t want to sound like a moron. I really should remember that I am doing this for myself and no one else. But that’s tough on this medium it’s way more public than the private journal.
I have been thinking alot about my 4th step. I spoke to my sponsor about it but we didn’t get into any great details. I think some guys tend to tell their sponsees how to do a thorough moral inventory and how to lay it all out on paper. this is what is giving me a big mental block. I think to myself I have to lay this out perfectly in order for me to get the step right and I have to do the steps the way ive been told to. Which is 1> learn the step 2> do the step 3> live the step. I feel like I have to get it perfect or I will be in trouble. Or maybe the mental block is just my ego stalling on my behalf.