today 

I am sitting in a coffee shop waiting for a guy that I sold a cell phone to.  He has a problem with getting it working and I have decided to be a decent human being and help him out.  I was thinking that the old me would have told him to kick rocks and done my best to avoid him.  I think however, that I would have done this  regardless of my drinking, but I would have been anxious about leaving the house to do it and I would have used the excursion as an opportunity to make a trip to the liquor store.  I was always pretty good at thinking up excuses to get over to the LCBO (or at least I thought I was).  

I am having a hard time finding my voice with this writing thing.  I have been journaling for a while and it seems to be easier because I don’t really care what goes in there.  I think with this blog business there is a slim chance that someone could read this, and I don’t want to sound like a moron.  I really should remember that I am doing this for myself and no one else.  But that’s tough on this medium it’s way more public than the private journal. 

I have been thinking alot about my 4th step.  I spoke to my sponsor about it but we didn’t get into any great details.  I think some guys tend to tell their sponsees how to do a thorough moral inventory and how to lay it all out on paper.  this is what is giving me a big mental block.  I think to myself I have to lay this out perfectly in order for me to get the step right and I have to do the steps the way ive been told to.  Which is 1> learn the step 2> do the step 3> live the step.  I feel like I have to get it perfect or I will be in trouble.  Or maybe the mental block is just my ego stalling on my behalf. 

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