recovery work

I am working on my 4th step right now.  This shit is tough, I am scouring the internet trying to find a dummies guide or cliff notes on how to do this.  But that’s probably a character defect that’s going to end up right there in my fourth.  I have sat down with my sponsor and the point he got across was that as long as I make an honest effort and get it done it doesn’t matter how “good” it is.  He mentioned that when he did his first fourth step that he did it poorly, but he did it.  That’s the key, I have been saying for months that I am at a mental block with this step.  But I am pretty sure that I am just scared of the step.  Not that I have anything too outlandish to put in mine.  It’s just getting it out into the world that is a bit frightening.  I’ve worked my way through many of the resentments and I feel good that I have those listed, but I’m stuck on fears.  The gist of the fears portion is that I’m supposed to list things that I am afraid of that are blocking me from letting go of self.  But I’m pretty sure that my list can’t include things like I’m afraid of spiders, or fires, or car crashes.  It’s probably a deeper fear set that I have to get to the root of.  Something like fear of abandonment, or fear of change.  Oh shit wait, that’s two I need to put in there.

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