I am writing this while sitting in a resort in Walt Disney World. Travel in recovery has been both a blessing and a challenge. I flew down to Orlando yesterday by myself and I found myself pretty stressed out about the airport. So much so that I dropped a significant chunk of coin on an upgrade on my flight so that I didn’t have to sit next to strangers or stand in super long security lines. Not my finest moment for sure as that was an impulse decision because I wanted to avoid stress and perhaps a small portion of my ego wanted to feel special for the day. If one of my strengths was impulse control I probably would not be writing this blog at all. While on the plane in first class I had a brief moment of “I can have just one glass of wine…..” wooooooh!! Give your head a shake dude! Where did that come from? I think sometimes when I come down here I think back to all the good times I had down here and wish that I could still take part in the “fun” drinking part of vacationing. I had a lot of fun down here when I was drinking, like A LOT of fun. This place was always a vacation away from my problems and the drinking was purely for fun. I was drinking to not feel or to keep the anxiety away. I was just having fun. At least for the most part. As I progressed along the addiction spectrum I was certainly hiding bottles in my luggage and buying small bottles to hide in the room. There were even times where I isolated while on vacation. But not all the time. I used to think that if I could drink at home like I did on vacation that I would be just fine. When I would get home and try that, it would work. For a few days. Then I would slide right back into the compulsion to consume just as bad as before. cunning, baffling, and powerful….
It’s so nice to be down here and just be present. I love WDW, I love the rides and the resorts and the food. I love going for a swim and a hot tub. I love hanging out with our friends from down here. And I get to do all of that without the obsession to locate the next drink or the next 10 after that. What a miracle. I will try to keep writing more about being down here if I get time. I know famous last words. But I should get moving…..