today felt like I made some progress in coping with this stuff.  I was very productive all day even though I really wanted to be lazy and just listen to music and build this Lego set.  I managed to get quite a lot of stuff done, like meal prep and getting ready for the week.  I find not having to worry about meals and stuff through the week makes it so much easier to stay on track with the clean eating.  When I have options and no time is when I tend to get in the mind set of eating whatever I want.  I hope to keep moving forward in my progress at the gym.
Where I struggle is with M and I, we seem to have different ideas of what to do around the house.  We have kind of a shitty kitchen and it seems like no matter how many times I sort out the cupboards and storage it just ends up a disaster.  She just doesn’t seem to care if stuff is falling out of cupboards and drawers can’t close.  I can never seem to find anything I am looking for in there and it gets so frustrating.  If I say anything about it she thinks I am an ass hole for it.  I can’t control what she says or how she thinks, I can only control how I react to things.  In that sort of situation my instinct is to say nothing so that I don’t need to react at all.  Because I have a tendency to people please I feel like I have to make everything better so that she will not get upset.  But sometimes it fucking kills me inside to keep that to myself.

Here is how I am making progress in this situation.  I now know better than to over react to this sort of thing.  “How important is it?”  I have to remind myself that the state of the kitchen is not the end of the world.  Will the world end if I can’t find a Tupperware lid?  No, it certainly will not.


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