I have come to realize that I have a terrible fear of abandonment. I don’t know where exactly it comes from but it’s been a crippling fear and is probably a major source of anxiety for me. I have some stories that make me pause and consider if they could be the source of them here is one.
I was about 7 or 8 years old and living in Shilo, MB. It’s a military base and there is not much there so if you need something you have to drive to other towns. The biggest of these is Brandon, MB. (it’s also the town where I was born.) I remember that my little brother had a pretty serious hearing problem as a kid. He had to have tubes put into his ears and had many procedures related to this. This particular time we were at some sort of specialist related to my brother, I believe, and my Mother told me to wait in the car. She had parked it on the edge of the parking lot and it happened to be near a really neat park. Now I am a kid, and kids love parks. BUT, Mom told me to stay in the car and wait for her. She explicitly said “Do not get out of the car”. However, the lure of the park got the better of me. I figured that I could see the car from the park, so I would be able to make it back before she actually got to the car and noticed I had left. I also thought that she would see me and call me to get in the car. I made my way over to the brightly coloured play ground and got busy climbing and sliding and swinging and loving every second of it. Then I heard a car start up, and then I saw a car that looked remarkably like my Mom’s car. This car happened to be driving away from me. I guess she got to the car and saw me in the play ground and figured it was a good chance to teach me a lesson about listening to what I am told. She drove away with out me. I remember vividly the terror in my heart as she was driving away leaving me there. I ran and ran and ran as fast as I could, I was screaming and crying. I was scared to death that I was going to be left behind because she was so angry with me that I had not listened to her directions. After a short time, she finally slowed down enough for me to catch up to the car and then stopped. I opened the passenger door and crawled into the car bawling my eyes out. She turned and said to me, “maybe next time you’ll think twice about getting out of the car.”