haul

via Daily Prompt: Haul

I witnessed something that was incredibly beautiful in it’s sadness last night.  I was at my home group and my sponsor was sharing that his mother is very close to departing from his life.  She has colon cancer and is 91 years old, she has been living with dementia for a number of years as well.  Now I know from speaking with Keith that this has been weighing pretty heavy on him.  Last night he began sharing about all of this and it was one of those moments that you could tell he had some shit to get off of his chest.  Some groups that I have been to will cut you off after 2 or 3 minutes.  Because they feel like everyone should have a chance to speak.  But in this case it was so apparent that he needed to get this out of his system so everyone just let him go.  He spoke for almost a half hour about it. I believe that this is so incredibly important in recovery because leaving something unsaid to weigh heavy on our hearts and minds is not good.

It so happens that our friend Martin was in the group last night.  He is not a regular to our group, but he is a regular to the rooms and he is someone that I speak to a lot.  Martin has been through something very similar to Keith.  He shared his story with us and then spoke to Keith afterwards.  The universe put Martin in that room so that Keith would have a sympathetic ear to hear his voice.  Martin shared that he lost his mother in a similar manner.  The guilt that he felt over the situation eroded away his emotional sobriety and that lead to him drinking again to medicate his pain.  This is the beautiful thing about the rooms, there is always someone that can relate to your story or that has been through similar if not the exact same things.  This is where getting the stuff out helps.  It can help the person sharing and it might help someone sitting in the room listening.

Hauling the shit around with me all day is not a good thing for my sobriety and for emotional state.  I feel like I have heard this lesson a number of times and yet I still don’t think it has sunk in.  I’m the worst for letting stuff fester in head driving me down into depression and anxiety ridden sleepless nights.  On those rare occasions where I do get stuff out I can see it working for me.

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