living

via Daily Prompt: Thwart

I’m kind of unhappy in my current living situation.  I find myself spending a lot of time thinking about the what ifs of life.  What if I was in my own place?  What would that be like?  Would I be lonely?  Would I go crazy?  What if I can’t afford it?  What if I can’t handle these changes to my life?  I’ve been in the same situation for so long that I feel like I’ve grown roots.  I used to wish that I felt a connection to a place as a kid.  We moved so often, being a military family, that I never felt connected to any where.  I have become attached to my residence and my living situation, as unhealthy as it is.  Spending too much time thinking like this is dangerous for me.  It drags me into that mental space where my anxiety is lurking waiting to attack.  I have to try to thwart the thinking process back into the present moment.  There will lots of time to deal with future.  I suppose a smart person would talk to someone about this stuff.  I have been hiding these thoughts for so long that when they pop up it’s pretty scary.  I don’t want to hurt anyone, but I don’t know how much more I can take.

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