Premature reactions to situations beyond my control. When I thought about what this words means to me it occurred to me that it really defines how I deal with life. I am always reacting to things before I have enough information or evidence to confirm that I even need to bother reacting. I think that a lot of my anxiety could reside under that umbrella. I have always had a sense that most situations are going to end up resulting in pain of some variety. I don’t even stop to consider that perhaps the event or situation could be a profoundly positive thing. Or sometimes I react before considering how it will impact those in my life. When I think back to CBT education it reminds me to pause and consider the evidence before reacting. I should always pause before reacting. An example of this happened a couple of nights ago. I was at the gym, which is a bit of a sanctuary for me, I was just wrapping up my run and stretching and I saw some of my friends all socializing with each other and enjoying some Starbucks. My heart told me that they did not want me there, that I would be intruding and that I was not good enough to be there with them. I say my heart, because later on when I examined the evidence I realized very quickly that I was not reacting properly. That I just let myself get worked up needlessly over some people that were socializing together….as we usually do every day. Why I felt that way I have no idea. But if I had remembered to pause and examine the evidence I would not have felt like such a dolt..
Once again I have to remind myself that I am a work in progress. Every small step forward is still a step in the right direction.