long weekends

This has been a pretty enjoyable long weekend so far.  I remember a few years ago that it would have been enjoyable because I would have been drunk for 3 days straight.  Either I would have planned to attend a get together with friends to party or I would have just isolated for 3 days.  Either way it would have been primarily about the drinking.  This wasn’t always the case, this was only really the last 2 years of my drinking.  I mean I was somewhat normal in that I would think of the weekend as an excuse to party, but it in the last years of my drinking it was about not being around people.  I remember there was a certain amount of anxiety around making sure that I had enough booze to last the weekend.  But the problem was that I had that obsession that once the booze was in my system I would just keep going.  I would turn a 3 day supply of alcohol into a 24 hour binge.  Then I would have to go and resupply the next day.  I would have rotate between the different LCBOs in the area. (You know because I really didn’t want someone to think I was an alcoholic)  This cycle would likely repeat the following day.  Then on the actual holiday I would have to hunt down one of those local convenience stores that has a small LCBO franchise in it.  At the end of my drinking there was no such thing as “rationing” or moderate consumption.  I would open a bottle and finish it.

I used to hate standing in those long lines in the liquor store on the long weekends.  It would seem like hours in there just to pick up a bottle of vodka and some beer.  But I did it no problem.  There was no line long enough to get me out of that store.  It is kind of funny now because there is almost NOTHING that I would stand in a super long line for.  If I saw a line as long as some of the ones that I stood in to get booze in the past; I will 99% of the time turn around and leave.  Just NOPE the hell out of there.  My time is too valuable….just kidding I’m just not patient for a lot of things.

Anyway, I’ve been busy in a very nice and productive way.  We went and saw a movie, went out for dinner and today I got a whole bunch of errands done.  So next week should be pretty stress free in the food department.  I marvel at how much I can accomplish in a day without the obsession and anxiety surrounding addiction.  My mind is free to accomplish so much more when it is not obsessed with is there enough booze and if not where can I stock up.

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