rollercoaster saturday

So the Burgers with Bill 2 BBQ was a really great afternoon.  I had enough people show up to make it worthwhile.  Lot’s of great fellowship and sobriety there.  It was successful enough that I had people asking me already about doing another one.  Which is a great idea, given that I now have help to get this even off the ground.  Last year it was just me and I stressed myself out enough that I had second thoughts about this one.  This time though I had friends offering to help with bring food and cooking, which made things much easier.

When I left the event to head home I started to get these really crazy messages from Mare.  She sent me a screen capture of some person’s post on Facebook, it was a post about having a room for rent in Wasaga Beach.  The post was up in a group called Angus/Borden buy and sell.  It’s a basically a yard sale group and I browse it frequently.  Actually I would say I browse it more than I actually interact with people on Facebook.  Anyway, apparently in my browsing of this group I accidently responded to the room rental post with “Interested”.  I defenitly did not intend to post that.  I was not actively looking for a room to rent.  It was a honest accident.  When I got home she was really upset, and crying and I tried to explain it.  But she wasn’t listening to me.  She still doesn’t believe anything I say or trust me.  I tried to tell her I was not actually posting it to seek a place to live and I wasn’t looking to move out.  But this brought up another resentment of mine.  I remember when she was looking into selling the house while I was still drinking.  She was talking to a real estate agent behind my back.  I am still pissed off about that.  But she doesn’t believe that she did anything wrong.

It’s been a day full of really great highs and angry bitter lows.  I am frustrated that she shut down and won’t talk about it now.  She doesn’t want to deal with it.  I am really starting to think that I should just rip the fucking band aid off and tell her that this shit is not working, that we need to try something else.

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