So the Burgers with Bill 2 BBQ was a really great afternoon. I had enough people show up to make it worthwhile. Lot’s of great fellowship and sobriety there. It was successful enough that I had people asking me already about doing another one. Which is a great idea, given that I now have help to get this even off the ground. Last year it was just me and I stressed myself out enough that I had second thoughts about this one. This time though I had friends offering to help with bring food and cooking, which made things much easier.
When I left the event to head home I started to get these really crazy messages from Mare. She sent me a screen capture of some person’s post on Facebook, it was a post about having a room for rent in Wasaga Beach. The post was up in a group called Angus/Borden buy and sell. It’s a basically a yard sale group and I browse it frequently. Actually I would say I browse it more than I actually interact with people on Facebook. Anyway, apparently in my browsing of this group I accidently responded to the room rental post with “Interested”. I defenitly did not intend to post that. I was not actively looking for a room to rent. It was a honest accident. When I got home she was really upset, and crying and I tried to explain it. But she wasn’t listening to me. She still doesn’t believe anything I say or trust me. I tried to tell her I was not actually posting it to seek a place to live and I wasn’t looking to move out. But this brought up another resentment of mine. I remember when she was looking into selling the house while I was still drinking. She was talking to a real estate agent behind my back. I am still pissed off about that. But she doesn’t believe that she did anything wrong.
It’s been a day full of really great highs and angry bitter lows. I am frustrated that she shut down and won’t talk about it now. She doesn’t want to deal with it. I am really starting to think that I should just rip the fucking band aid off and tell her that this shit is not working, that we need to try something else.