I am finally getting into some step work. I sat with Keith last week and we went through a little bit of a 5th step. I have had stuff written out for almost a year now. I don’t quite know why I am sitting on it but it’s time for me to progress through some more steps. A few of the tings I have learned about myself are quite shocking. Number one is that I am a really angry person. WTF?
I had no idea and if you had asked me about it I would have said that anger is not someting I have ever had in my heart. But after reading a book called “Enemies of the Heart” I have come to realize that I have a serious problem with anger.
I also have learned that I am a very dishonest person and that I have a tendency to tell a lie when the truth would serve me better. I used to think that I consistently lived on the moral high ground compared to so many people. Holy shit was I ever wrong about that. I am truly self-centered, selfish and dishonest. I would often be better off telling people exactly what I am thinking when it comes up. Because when I don’t it seems like I get into a position of being angry and then building resentments.
I am still working on this stuff and still writing stuff down. But I hope to meet with Keith again and see what else comes up. So more to follow on this.
I am capable, worthwhile and lovable.