I don’t know if you heard of this thing that the world went through called the Covid Pandemic? But it was a big deal and it sucked. All the meetings in my area were closed and a lot of them went to online versions. They were alright as far as meetings go but as a person that spends most of his at work time on MS Teams meetings and conference calls…the Zoom recovery meetings got real old, real fast. This included my Alumni meetings from my recovery treatment centre in Toronto. I went to Renascent in the Annex of Toronto, which has a wonderful alumni program that allows those of us that have graduated from their program to come back and talk to the guys in the house currently going through the early stages of recovery. It was something I was grateful for while I was in the house and I was excited to be a part of when I graduated. I made a commitment to try to get to one of the bi-monthly meetings on a regular basis. I did this for a few years until the stupid pandemic shut them down too. Yesterday was my first chance to get back to one, it was so great. I am so happy that it worked out and I could get to one again. Hopefully I can get back into that habit and get to them again.

While I was there I met a new comer that is from my area, he’s going to reach out to me as soon as he gets out and comes home. I’m very excited for this lad to get out and come to the groups up here. I hope falls in love with the program and recovery as much as I have. Being able to be a part of a round up and to have gotten to more AA events this year, I’m feeling really stoked and revitalized in my recovery.

Sunday was Fathers day, and I really couldn’t have given two shits. My usual apathy for this “holiday” was a little over the top this year. I just didn’t really want to give my dad a call. I was actually slightly grateful for this pandemic as I was handed an excuse to avoid seeing him. I am always struck by how I feel towards my parents, when it comes to them I think my attitude is unusual. At least in comparison to what I assume people think is normal. I don’t make much of an attempt to keep in touch with them any more. I was browsing a thread on Reddit today that was about getting things off of your chest. The thread in particular that had me thinking was about a guy who stated that he had come to realize that he didn’t like his parents all that much. He stated that he obviously loved them because they are his parents, but that he just didn’t like them as people.

HOLY SHIT! once again I find there is someone out there that thinks like I do. I thought I was alone in that feeling. When I was drinking I used to call my Mom a lot because when I was drunk. I don’t know why that was, maybe I was drunk and lonely. But I seldom call much now that I am sober. I almost never call my dad. Now, I am well aware that I have many resentments and an unhealthy amount of anger towards him, but I am told that I should pray for him and that I need to let go of those resentments. The hard part is that I think I need to talk about this stuff with him, and well, I just don’t like him as a person all that much. Every time we get together he starts to tell these really stupid stories and quite often the content is not appropriate for the setting and company in attendance. I just get more confused how we could be so different and yet have the same disease.

I was beginning to feel very worn out the last few days.  I couldn’t sleep through the night.  I couldn’t get the foggy feeling out of my head.  It was not very pleasant and wasn’t feeling comfortable in my own skin for a bit.  The asshole commitee in my head was getting very loud.  I thankfully have placed a copy of the big book at my workstation area and I can pick it up and have a quick read when i get that way.  I also had a random visit from my friend and it was such a pleasant surprise that it shocked back into a positive frame of mind.

It’s amazing that such a simple thing can such a positive effect on my mental state.  Fanastic!

The world is a very scary place right now.  This Covid-19 pandemic is absolutely scary and making life very difficult.  It’s been a while since I used this as a tool in my recovery arsenal and boy have I noticed it.  All of our meeting places are shut down so there are no in person AA meetings occurring right now.  This is very scary for someone like me.  Even when I travel I make sure that I can locate meetings.  So for me to not be able to get to one when I want to, never mind when I might NEED to get there….holy SHIT!  Scary stuff.  But I feel that more than ever I need to remember that I have been given the gift of a set of tools and strategies to get me through difficult times.  I can call my sponsor, I can call friends in the program; they are always willing to talk and help if needed.  We have moved to doing some meetings online through a program/service called Zoom.  It’s really a life saver right now.  We can get up to 80 people into a meeting and have everyone share how they are doing.  It’s certainly doing the job in a pinch.