Well shit.  This long weekend has started off poorly.  We’ve had this family of rabbits that have taken residence in the back yard.  They’ve been all over the yard, both front and back actually.  I located their nest not too long ago, as it was apparent that they adult rabbits were back there for a reason.  I have been staying away and not using the lawnmower to try to prevent scaring or injuring the little baby rabbits, they are so adorable.  Well, this morning I looked around the nest and the little bunnies have fled the scene.  So I figured tonight was the night that I could get the lawns done.  I double checked the spot and made sure that they were not present.  Then I went into the shed to retrieve the mower.  This is where things took a turn.  I pulled open the door and dragged the mower out of the shed and this little baby rabbit came flopping out of the shed.  It somehow got in there and then as I was dragging everything out it got crushed in between the mower and the door and the ground.  The poor little guy suffered some sort of catastrophic head injury.  I watched this beautiful little creature shake and twitch and try to get up over and over.  I tried to leave it alone a little bit and see if it would be able to sort itself out.  I ran into the house and got some cold water, hoping that maybe the little guy was just dehydrated.  But it didn’t seem to help.  I tried to prop it up, and get it breath, I helped him move his little paws and tried to get it to stay awake.  All to no avail, the poor injured bunny didn’t make it.  I sat there for a while watching this beautiful and perfect creature while feeling absolutely crushed that this happened.  Many thoughts came rushing through my mind, if I had only been more careful.  If I had only waited a day or two to do the lawns.  If I had only been more careful……

I do realize that this was beyond my control.  That there is nothing that I can change about this, but it still makes me sad.  I will attempt to be more careful in the future.

I am up at 6:30 am on a Sunday and I feel really good.  I am going to something called restorative yoga today.  This will be the second time that I am going to try this.  I have been fascinated by yoga for a long time, they say that it does wonderful things for the body.  I am also by nature very skeptical.  So I go into this with a healthy of dose of feeling really goofy while doing it.  I am trying to keep an open mind about it.  I did feel really good after last week so I am going with the policy of doing it 4 or 5 times before I form my opinion about the thing.  How can I form an opinion based on one or two sessions.  I mean if I walked out of there angry and hating it, obviously I have my answer, but I didn’t.  I left feeling relaxed and well.  I look forward to seeing how today goes.

Today has been so very painfully average.  I guess that is a good thing.  I mean, I didn’t wake up in a fog, I didn’t wake up angry, I didn’t wake up trying to remember if I went to bed at a decent hour.  I actually got sleep last night and I’ve felt pretty good all day.  But this in itself is really the miracle.  I did not have the obsession to drink today.  I didn’t spend the whole day on the couch drunk trying to forget how much I didn’t want to be on the couch drunk.  I have to learn to appreciate those days, because that is truly how most of life is I think.  Not every day is going to be amazing or terrible.  Most days are going to be just regular days.

I am told that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.  I have noticed that Mare is having trouble at work again.  She always blames everyone else in her office, she never has a part to play in things.  She is feeling hurt because she was left out of some meetings and a lunch.  She thinks that now her boss doesn’t like her and that she playing favorites with the staff.  This manager of hers is maybe not the best manager when it comes to business, but she is very passionate about her job.  Which is a great quality when it is married up with the ability to manage the people that are around you.  The problem as I see it is that they all take things far too personally.  Mare has had this problem in the past, and if she lets it get the best of her as I see that it has started to, she is going to be on her 3 career change.  Maybe that’s not unusual, but it doesn’t seem normal to me.  In every instance it’s been the same scenario, she stops getting along with people that she works with, she thinks that people don’t like her because she has a “strong personality”.  Then when people stop inviting her out to things, or she thinks they are talking about her behind her back she retaliates by playing up the strong willed personality.  She has never stepped back and said “shit, maybe I should try to get along with these people”, or “maybe I AM THE PROBLEM”.  Not once, it’s always been the finger pointed at everyone else.  I can totally relate to this in a way.  I couldn’t get out of myself when I was drinking, I couldn’t see how I was the one to blame for how I was behaving.  But I can only change ME.  I can’t do anything for her.  I’m starting to think that I don’t even want to help her.  If I say anything about this I am just going to be another person that she thinks is out to get her.  She is still angry with me and I really can’t talk to her about it.  She just will never listen to me.  That’s totally healthy right…..?